11:43 AM - we'll never truly know each other
Current mood: small
[this is extremely self indulgent. you really don't need to encourage it by reading further.]
this is the last entry of my myspace blog. i'm not trying to be dramatic or artful or even insightful. who knows if any of it was ever writing worth reading. the significance of myspace has severly dwindled for me and my use of it has become mostly utilitarian. there is no practical use for creative writing here.
have you ever watched a mediocre movie and become so emotionally invested in it that at the most climatic scene you feel ashamed, almost nauseous, at your concern so you force yourself to laugh or turn your head and screw up your face and say, "EEEUUUUGGGGHHHH"?
that is how i'm feeling about my myspace blog. i feel like it was a very mediocre expression of various experiences that i went through that i am unreasonably attached to because they are the only document of those times, inadequate as they may be. i think about entries that i posted half finished, half thought out, not nearly fully appreciating the significance (or insignificance of ) the things i was going through at the time. i think of all of the people i met with whom i was so enthralled: janna, emma, megan, eme, nikki, landon, sydney, jane, rosa, moses, jessica etc. about whom i wish i'd written more thoroughly, more passionately, more memorably...
i'm not a writer. when i become overwhelmed with life i expell a few observations out of some feeling of obligation, not out of necessity. writing frustrates me. it seems like another vehicle of expression with which i can never park in front of my destination and say, "here it is. i've expressed it." i'll probably never be as good of a writer as i feel i need to be to justly present how much i love everyone around me, or how tempted i am to just sleep days away when the incongruencies of life become all too apparent.
i'll never be as good of a writer or any type or artist as i can because i will never be able to fully understand what is happening around me. that's sort of comforting and extremely humbling. no matter how astute i become at simply documenting a day or even a moment, i will never be able to absorb every piece of information that contributes to the significance of each moment. therefore every conjecture that anyone makes from "i'm hungry" to (i'm already tiring of this entry, i hope you aren't still reading it)... whatever you happen to think is the pinacle of all human observation in written form... is essentially on the same level of value:
we just don't get it. we never will. let's stop judging ourselves and others.
maybe i'll start writing haikus again.
ugh. this getting better at writing thing isn't really working out for me.
i'll always start my sentences with "i"
the first entry from 2005 starts after this one.
ps. speaking of faulty vehicles, this is a reminder to myself to write a new blog entry about illfit outfit's first on-the-road experience.
pps. now i remember why i began writing this last myspace blog entry. i'm still much too attached to the entries (moreso the comments) to delete it so i'm posting it for my own gratification at http://yeoldemyspaceblog.blogspot.com/
ppps. my main blog will now be http://whalepubevest.blogspot.com
Currently watching :
The Science of Sleep
Release date: By 06 February, 2007
1 Comments - 0 Kudos
i miss you too much. i feel like our love is ending.
Posted by .diva on the rocks. on [12 Mar 2007 | Monday] at 1:41 AM
